the hardest week of my life.

it's definately been the hardest week of my life.

although i know that my sister is in a good place and she is not very far, it's still hard saying goodbye. it's a strange thing seeing the person you have shared a room with you're entire life leave to live on their own life. it's empty. it's like an empty place in my heart, even though she isn't very far. she means the world to me, and if i didn't have her i don't know where i would be right now. she is my motivation for anything and everything, and since she isn't here with me physically, it makes me want to try a hundred times harder so i know that i will never let her down.

my cat is gone too. you're probably thinking, damn, it's just a cat. but he was a lot more than that. i have grown up with this cat. he's somewhere around my age, and has been there my entire life. it's wierd because he was like a little brother to me. all my life i have had everyone take care of me since i was the baby in the family, but he gave me something to take care of myself. he took care of me, too. he made me feel better on the days that i was down, and he always would make me feel not so alone if there wasn't anyone home. he had presence. but i am extremely happy that he didn't suffer. he must not have died a painful death. last night at around 8ish, he was bouncing around like a happy little kitty that he was. and i left for a few hours and came home, and he was just lying there. my dad said he had just fed him and refilled his water bowl, maybe 5 minutes before i noticed he was gone, so he died quickly. i will never forget that cat.

i love you alyssa.
i love you, baby bubs.

and i love you jenny and omar for being there for me through my toughest days. you guys mean the world to me, and without friends like you, i don't know what i would do.

<3

yep im a liar

i wasn't over him

so me and michael are back together and we already had our 10 month

that's very exciting

it's funny what relationships can do to you without you really knowing.

I adore that kid. I could never be over him.

I know you are probably  thinking, whatta dumbass, he'll break your heart again.

But the thing is....

He won't. No one really knows him like I do, and the things he said to me when he apologized amazed me. I might have fallen for it, but hey, in the end, it willl be my problem, no?

I love him. So oh well. I won't listen to what anyone says to me except my heart.

Let me break it myself.

p.s. - In case you didn't hear, my sister and I moved again. My dad is back down here since the restaurant caught fire, and we just moved during winter break. I am very very very happy with life right now.

Basically, I am over Michael.

Like, sometimes people say they are over someone, and in their minds they know they're not, but really. I am. Plus, what's the point in wallowing over someone who has a girlfriend? It's pretty much just backtracking, and that would just be moving myself away from the direction I want to be headed in.

Since we are on the subject of boys anyway...

I have/had this crush on this guy. I hung out with him, he kissed me, and I was really happy.

Problem #1: He lives in Watsonville, I live in Santa Clara.
Problem #2: He doesn't want a long-distance relationship. (That's not so much a problem, because it's understandable, but this leads me to..)
Problem #3: He didn't tell me that himself.

I really like him still, and I would do what I could to see him as much as possible, but I guess that's just not going to work out.

Let's hear it for not trying!
*APPLAUSE*

On top of that, I am sick. I have this huge sore throat and allergies/sinus problems and it's driving me crazy. I knew that I would be in a bad mood today, so I didn't go to school.

Dang, I sound so bitter about everything. I'm sorry. Whatever though, we are all bitter about something at one point in our lives.

-Amanda

FUCK HIM

I DON'T CARE

ANYMORE

WHATEVER

</3